The Truth Will Out

I told A everything. I told him I checked his e-mails, that I know he lied to me about L, that I know he told his closest friends he wasn't sure he wanted to be in a relationship and that I don't trust him (I think he knew that already). I had to clarify that it isn't that I didn't trust his fidelity it's that I don't trust him to tell me things that are important to us both, to the well being of us. He's not as honest and open about relationship stuff as I am. I expect the same transparency I show him especially after 4+ years.

That was 3 hours ago. I haven't heard from him since. I don't blame him. He was mad, said the not knowing if he should be in a relationship was a reflection of his mood at the time (yeah...) and not an ongoing one. I'm feeling more and more distant from him. The future we were working on building is getting blurry as a result of my paranoia and his disregard for me that I seem to find at every turn recently.What happens next is any one's guess. I told him I wasn't returning from my family home until he has decided exactly what he wants. He can be without me for a while to take stock of what's happened recently. We both need perspective and a time out.

*breath*

In weight related news I've lost another pound. The scales here are digital and add a few pounds compared to the ones I usually use. They now read 171.4lbs as opposed to the 172.4lbs they did last weekend.
I've had less than 200kcal during the day so a small meal should put me no higher that 1000kcal (worst case scenario).

I've been making replicas of some of the jewellery pieces I have on sale in the shop I was talking about yesterday. I can only ever make a very limited number at one go as I source the beads from co-operatives in Uganda and I never know what colours I'll be getting. The beads are fantastic, beautifully African and are all eco and ethically traded.
Tell me what you guys think. Don't worry about being critical as it's the only way I'll improve. I told a girl the other day that her stuff was nice but needed more variation in her designs. She literally did the same bracelet in different colours which isn't usually a problem but she has over 100 pieces on her website and NOTHING stands out. On top of that her prices were comparable to mine and  none of her materials benefited those less fortunate or the planet... The mind doth boggle! She was not impressed with my honesty. I was even nice about it and commented on the things that I did like. Some people want to surround themselves with yes men and sycophants I guess.

    **images removed**

And finally....

Day 9 of the 30 day Song Challenge is a song you can dance to. When I say dance I mean do a lap dance to. Well, I can but I totally chickened out so no one has ever seen it. Ha ha ha!

The song is You Are by Pear Jam.

Day 10 is a song that makes you fall asleep. I don't actually know of one that makes me fall asleep but I know I can sleep when listening to this song.

It's Tres by Pinback.

Love always, B x